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Samenvatting Skilled Interpersonal Communication, ISBN: 9781032021850 Intercultural Communication
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Hargie - skilled interpersonal communication Stone - difficult conversations Lecture notes (VU)
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Interpersonal communicationHargie Ch.1
Just being around other people makes humans aroused and motivated, this is called compresence.
When we first meet people, we put on a show (on-stage) which is different than how we are in
private (off-stage). Human satisfaction from meaningful interactions can be great for mental
wellbeing but when we don’t get satisfied the results can be very negative, for example depression.
This need for social interactions has been named sociation. Humans need it for survival.
Three types of psychological need:
- Competence (feeling of confidence and effectiveness when doing stuff for goals)
- Relatedness (desire for close connections and positive relationships with significant others)
- Autonomy (feeling of control over one’s identity)
The combination of all three will give humans optimal well-being. Requirement is good interpersonal
skills.
From the beginning of time, it has been better to live in a group than to be alone. Our brains are
wired for social interaction and therefore we could also be called homo interagens. The second
reason for our need for communication is that humans acquire and share their identity through
communication. Thirdly, we need communication to share knowledge.
Advantages from higher interpersonal communication skills:
- Better with stress
- Adopt and adjust better to life changes
- Higher self-efficacy in social situations
- Greater satisfaction in their close relationships
- Lower chance of depression, anxiety, or loneliness
- Formed friendships create a buffer in times of trauma
- Are a role model, better parents, colleagues, managers
- Perform better academically (effective in asking for help)
- Romantic relationship indicator
The social skills deficit hypothesis proposes that those who lack interpersonal skills are more likely to
suffer from depression because they can’t foster positive interpersonal experiences and avoid
negative social experiences.
Interactive skills have a ‘prophylactic effect’, meaning, people with great interpersonal skills are less
prone to mental ill than people who struggle with interpersonal skills.
Social capital refers to the benefits one receives when they have good interpersonal skills, can foster
quality relationships, has goodwill & reciprocity & trust, and thus creates a good social reputation.
This relationship between interpersonal skills and social capital has been compared to resource stock
and resource flow in organizations. With the skills being the key to assign value and social capital as
an accumulated asset.
Good interpersonal skills also help with the following professions: entrepreneurs & health
professionals.
Three levels of the study of social skills in other social sciences:
1. Theoretical analysis of how and why people behave a certain way in various
conceptualizations of skilled behaviour.
1
, 2. Research on the identification and effects of different types of social behaviour (this book as
well).
3. Training in communication skills and whether it is possible to improve social performances of
an individual.
What is interpersonal communication? That is heavily debated and therefore there is no uniform
definition given for interpersonal communication. However, there are two core concepts:
intersubjectivity (understanding and being understood) and impact (extent to which communication
provokes a change in thoughts, feelings, or behaviours).
Formed sub-categories of interpersonal communication:
- Face-to-face
- Dyadic or small groups
- Shaped by and conveys information about the personal qualities of the interlocutors as well
as their social roles and relationships
- Multiplicity of communication channels that are available
- Interdependence of the interactors
- Instantaneity of feedback available
- Extent of self-disclosure engendered
- Intrinsic nature of rewards stemming from intensive person-to-person contact.
Communication is a process for which at least two people are required and affect each other in a
system of reciprocal determination. It includes communicators, message, medium, channel, code,
noise, feedback, and context.
Communicators: Interpersonal skills are influenced by inter alia: the gender, age, ethnicity, physical
appearance, and personality of those involved.
Message: The content of communication which contains everything the two people in conversation
want to share. It is an expression of themselves encoded in a message after which the recipient
decodes the message and forms a response to what they’ve just experienced.
Medium: The particular means of conveying a message. Keep these three forms of media in mind:
1. Presentational (voice, face, body, etc.)
2. Representational (books, paintings, photographs, etc.)
3. Technological/mechanical (phone, radio, internet, etc.)
They differ in the levels of social presence afforded (feeling of warmness, sensitivity, personal) and
the amount of media richness (how much information is contained).
Channel: That which ‘connects’ interlocutors and accommodates the medium. A bridge between the
sender and receiver. There are distinguishes to be made:
- Vocal-auditory channel (carries speech)
- Gestural-auditory channel (nonverbal communication)
- Chemical-olfactory channel (smell)
- Cutaneous-tactile channel (interpersonal use of touch)
Often used simultaneously in interpersonal communication.
Code: A system of meaning shared by a group. Signs and symbols are particular to that code and
specifies rules and conventions for their use. English dog animal that barks. Other codes are
Morse, French, Braille, etc.
2
,Noise: Any interference with the success of the communicative act that distorts or degrades the
message so that the meaning taken is not that intended. Can be both internal (use of words, gender,
ethnicity, etc.) or external (sounds).
Feedback: Enables sender to see how the message has been received and the impact it had. This is
therefore vital for the results of social experiences and social interactions.
Context: Communication takes places in intermeshing frameworks. Contexts include: the physical,
social, chronological, cultural, and relational. The inescapable instance, such as geographical
location, provides the physical context. Temporal context (what time of day/week/month/year
something takes place) is vital as well.
Communication is inevitable. In extreme form this means that communication is the following:
- Performed with intention of sharing meaning
- Perceived as such by recipient
- Executed with conscious understanding
- Accomplished by means of shared arbitrary code; relationship between the behavior and
what it represents is a matter of agreed convention.
Instead, these more relaxed forms are suggested:
- Sent with intent
- Used with regularity among members of a given social community, society, or culture
- Interpreted as intentional
- Consensually recognized meaning
- Does not rely upon an arbitrary code (no reason why dog = dog)
Communication is purposeful. We always have someone in mind with a desired outcome.
Communication is transactional. One person is the designated source, the other the receiver.
However, it is more dynamic than that (observations can be made simultaneously making it
transactional). Reciprocal influence.
Communication is multi-dimensional. Meaning that messages are seldom unitary or discrete. Two
separate but inter-related levels to process are content, which has to do with substantive matters
(discussing a recent film), and the level that addresses the relationship between interlocutors
(identity projection).
Impression management and self-presentation refer to the process of behaving in such a way as to
get others to ratify the particular image of self being presented. A direct approach could quickly
backfire, what to do nonverbally will be addressed later. If we’re able to maintain (positive) face we
will be able to receive rewards. Giving criticism is an example of face-threatening.
Relationships are shaped around two main dimensions: affiliation and dominance. Both are
constructed through communication. Sometimes a third is added, intensity. Status differences for
example are maintained through verbal and nonverbal communication. People with less social
power (marginalized groups for example) will:
- Initiate fewer topics for discussion
- Be more hesitant in what they say
- Be asked more questions
- Provide more self-disclosures
- Engage in less eye contact when speaking
- Use politer forms of address
- Use more restrained touch
3
, There have been expectations (norms) forms around these parameters. Statements have relational
significance and are often intertwined. Communication is also irreversible; words cannot be taken
back once spoken. The accounts (offend) have already taken place and cannot undo the (trust) harm
even when apologizing.
Hargie Ch.2
In a global sense “interpersonal skills” can be defined as skills we employ when interacting with
other people. Note that this definition refers to what we use it for rather than what it is. The
definition
Definitions for interpersonal skills can range between the following:
- Phillips (1978) + macro-element-oriented view
- Schlundt and McFall (1985) + ability of a person
- Robbins and Hunasker (2014) + behavior of the individual.
- Cameron (2000) + the relation between skill, practical ability, and the ability to do something
with it.
- Proctor and Dutta (1995) + goals of the individual within communication
- Kelly (1982) + learning side of interpersonal communication.
This book uses one by Hargie (2006a); interpersonal skills is ‘a process in which the individual
implements a set of goal-directed, inter-related, situationally appropriate social behaviors, which are
learned and controlled.’ Note the seven components:
1. Skilled performance is part of a transactional process
2. Skilled behaviours are goal-directed
3. Skilled behaviours are inter-related
4. Skills should be appropriate to the situation
5. Skills are defined in terms of identifiable units of behaviour
6. Skilled behaviours are learned
7. Skills are under cognitive control of the individual
The points of Hargie’s definition will now be discussed one-by-one. Starting with the transactional
process. Within a conversation the individuals participate in something known as ‘the dance of
dialogue’, they talk and construct a shared meaning of the conversation. This skilled performance
(note comparison to jazz shows) is part of a transactional process that involves:
1. Formulating appropriate goals
2. Devising related action plans
3. Monitoring the effects of behaviour
4. Being aware of, and interpreting, the responses of others
5. Taking cognizance of the context in which the interaction occurs
6. Adjusting, adapting, or abandoning goals and responses in light of the outcomes.
Next, goal-directed. Goals are the behaviours an individual employs to reach a desired outcome and
therefore intentional/purposeful. Humans have been called intentional systems. These goals both
motivate and navigate the interpersonal process. Note that sometimes we employ our behaviours
automatically, we can be hard-wired in our responses that we get something called ‘unconscious
control’. Just like learning how to cycle, used to cost a lot of brain power and now we don’t even
think about it. We can possess the skills to our own knowledge, the audience looks at it differently.
When learning a new skill, we go through the following stages:
- Unconscious incompetence (unaware of inappropriate behaviour)
- Conscious incompetence (aware of what should be done but unable to do so)
4
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