Summary MGG2601 - Marriage Guidance And Counselling Exam Pack Summaries 2021.

MGG2601 - Marriage Guidance And Counselling Exam Pack Summaries 2021. MGG201W – Marriage Guidance – facilitative couples counselling Theme ONE – Understanding couples Intimacy involves: love, affection and caring, deep attachment to another person. The TRIPOD of couple relationships An intimate relationship consists of three factors that form a tripod on which the relationship rests. 1. Passionate attraction (PA) 2. Mutual expectations (ME) 3. Personal intentions (PI) Passionate attractions (PA) → Individual experiences intensely pleasurable sensations when thinking about or being with a new partner. → Blushing, trembling, breathlessness, high sexual desire → Referred to as infatuation = passing love “a foolish and unreasoning love’ → Infatuation is not a realistic / accurate appraisal of the relationship / idealisation → Negative / flaws in the idealised beloved may be intellectually recognised, but disregarded as endearingly special. Person chooses to ignore the negatives → Normal phase in the process of relationships → Infatuation can lead to a lasting relationship – but it mostly fades away and relationship based on infatuation alone will fail. Love → Involves physical attraction - deeper → Love encompasses PA, ME and PI → People rely mostly on life experiences to guide them to their own unique way of demonstrating love. → Eric Fromm “love is active concern for the life and growth of the person we love” → Love is deep, unselfish, caring, deep respect Hauck’s basic principles about love  It is not just the person you love, but rather what he/she does for you - actions speak louder than verbal promises of love and devotion.  Just like any business relationship, you have to invest in the relationship so as to benefit from its rewards - love requires a reciprocal investment from both parties  Love is like a business partnership – it needs management - rules to ensure it remains mutually satisfying  The goal in the relationship is to be reasonably content. Mutual Expectations (ME) → Passionate attractions create a group of mutual expectations. → People are surrounded by their own personal worlds of meaning and if they want their relationship to survive, they have to explicitly state what they want and need. If they do not do this, their relationship will not progress beyond the passionate attraction stage. Myths: common expectations → A partner should demonstrate sympathy to the person whenever he/ she is upset → A partner should always be willing to express innermost thoughts and feelings at all times → A partner should be loyal by automatically siding with the person when they’ve been in an argument with others. → A partner should always want do to things with the person, devoting time and attention to the relationship → A partner should choose the person above all others at all times. → A partner should allow the person to continue to take part in all the activities that he/she was involved in before the relationship began. Introjected expectations bought from family of origin, society and media are unrealistic myths. Expectations about roles and responsibilities → Traditionally- culture defined, prescribed and allocated non-negotiable rules and duties, often according to gender. → Today – more egalitarian relationships exist. Expectations about life events Personal Intentions (PI) → The converse of expectations → Individuals decisions – both deliberate and unconscious, about how he/she should behave as a loving partner → Consider the way your partner wants to be loved Individual differences and their impact on the couple relationship Couples enter a relationship with a set of expectations based largely on their past experiences, and further determined by gender and ethnic differences. Gender Differences Similarities → Both have fundamental needs of self-esteem, survival, intimacy and growth → Both need the sense of having some control over their lives → Both need to achieve, and have recreation → The ways in which they translate or express those needs and attempt to full them differs Physiological differences → Socialisation exaggerates gender differences even further → Conflict situations – woman self-soothe and males become more aroused and aggressive (testosterone) → When in a negative relationship, men withdraw and women become more demanding and complaining. Differences in communication styles and patterns of emotional expression → Woman – use more qualifiers, emotive, better at interpreting verbal and nonverbal behaviour , more attentive. → Men – more factual, less revealing, more competitive Perceptions of rules/roles for the relationship → Stereotypical views which are misleading → Men are expected to be strong, independent, successful, aggressive → Woman – gentle, dependent for support and protection, nurturing, emotional, submissive. → Traditional sex roles influence people’s behaviour and expectations in a relationship → 4 main reasons for the difference in sex role expectations: (and cause the marginalising of woman) - Differences in socialisation - Differences in legal and economic status and power - Differences in childbirth and parenting - Differences in sexuality Helper needs to focus on helping the couple understand how gender relates to their stresses The effects of ethnicity and culture Bloom: Culture is an “integrated pattern of communication among people with a common history, language, and place that results in common values, behaviour patterns and expectations that are transmitted across generations” McGoldrick: Ethnicity “a religion and culture history whether or not members realise their commonalities with each other. It describes a commonality transmitted by the family over generations and reinforced by the surrounding community” Culture and ethnicity manifest in language, faith, race, national and geographic origin, family formation An individual’s sense of self is implicitly intertwined with his/her cultural beliefs and sense of belonging to an ethnic group Schematic comparison of the Western and African Views of the person and worldviews Western view of the person and the worldview Versus African view of the person and the worldview Individuality Groupness Uniqueness Psycho-behavioural modalities Sameness Differences Commonality Competition Co-operation Individual rights Values and Customs Collective responsibility Separateness and Independence Co-operation and interdependence Survival of the fittest Ethos Survival of the tribe Control over Nature One with nature Definition of a family Western / Anglo descent – family is mother, father, child with little reference to extended family. Privacy and independence from family of origin highly prized. African descent – family includes extended family, and are responsible for each other with permeable boundaries between them. Little or no privacy from their relatives. Ancestral spirits are important part of the family and illness and misfortune are seen as indicators of ancestral displeasure Indian family – eldest son expected to remain in the family home when he weds. Bride joins his family, with a subordinate position to the mother in law who has much say over their lives. Formation of values → Cultural beliefs, expectations and practices shape the individual’s values and guide personal behaviour. Culture and family life cycle transitions → Dating, courtship, marriage, child rearing and retirement may be strongly influenced by the early cultural messages each partner received from their family of origin. → Hindu/Muslim – early age proposal → African – young adult encouraged to stay at home till married → White – encourage independence Cultural practices change with time → Divorce become a common practice → Living together before marriage → Same sex couples legalised → Equality and choice central themes in modern relationships Cross cultural unions → Interethnic unions stressful due to different expectations / backgrounds → Better to assume each family has its own culture → Cultural differenced (being out spoken vs. quiet) will cause stress Becoming a couple Six characteristics 1. The couple relationship is voluntary and both parties realise that the relationship is their choice. 2. The couple relationship depends upon a balance of stability (from sense of predictability) and growth (of opportunities, spontaneity and flexibility) 3. The couple relationship has a past (let go of old conflicts) , present ( shared goals) and a future (joint goals provide a sense of direction and something to look forward to) 4. In order to become a couple, partners have to merge their individual perspectives and histories. (different values and worldviews can hinder this process) 5. Belonging to a partnership implies giving and receiving support (relationship based on synergy achieved by the couple complementing each other’s strengths and weaknesses) 6. The couple relationship requires that each party respect the other’s identity and individuality “I” meets “you”. We share and become “us” but remain individuals with a common bond. Couple formation → A couple is formed when an invisible, psychological boundary is erected around the two individual involved, making them a one symbiotic unit. → The couple relationship becomes the nucleus of the nuclear family Characteristics of healthy couples 1. A belief in relative rather than absolute truth Accommodation of your partner’s perspectives Allow for differences in taste, diff. in points of view 2. An assumption that the partner has good motives 3. A belief that differences will be resolved Expect relationship to have moments of conflict, anger – but remain optimistic that differences can be resolved between themselves. 4. A belief in something larger Shared common cause, mission – will create satisfaction 5. The practice of healthy behaviours - Responsibility for maintaining love and respect - Alignment of goals – mutual goals - Encouragement - Open communication – transparency and openness the foundation for problem solving, sharing - Empathic listening – able to verbalise their understanding of what their partner has said and reflect on emotional content contained - Willingness to analyse and discuss the relationship - Demonstration of acceptance - Support of positive collaborative goals of the marriage - Joint conflict solution – no blaming - Commitment to equality in the relationship – both invest in and benefit from the relationship, workload is shared, joint goals, space to grow as individuals. Theme TWO – Changes that couples go through: psychological tasks and family life cycle developmental stages Psychological tasks: → Predictable developmental changes that couples have to achieve, which continue and are joined by other tasks that couples address from the outset of their relationship, as their relationship develops and passes through different stages. → The changing tasks trigger conflicts and challenge earlier solutions. (Wallerstein) → Tasks are not arranged in any sequential fashion / not plotted as a linear process / not bound by time. → Family life cycle suggests that family life unfolds in a particular fashion, with recognisable stages – at each stage family members have to complete predictable tasks. → The couple relationship is the nucleus of the nuclear family. → Developmental tasks involve the whole family and are plotted on a progressive continuum. → Successful completion of a task is necessary before the couple / family can move to the next stage. → Clear predictable process, with each stage presenting new emotional and intellectual challenges. Psychological tasks of couples in long term relationships 1. Consolidating psychological separation and establishing new connections with family of origin. − Self-sufficient and autonomous − Separate sense of self − Intimacy and independence balanced with fusion and dependence 2. Building the marital identity for the couple and the individuals (building togetherness and creating autonomy) − Shift from ‘I’ or ‘me’ to ‘we’ and ‘us’ - making mutual decisions − Renegotiation values − Deciding on what competing leisure time activities, friendships, associations may need to be terminated to protect the relationship − Developing family rituals and traditions. 3. Establishing their sexual identity − Sexuality is individual − Frequency, intensity, accessibility should be negotiated. − Openness 4. Establishing the relationship as a zone of safety and nurturance − Communication − Acknowledgment of each other’s feelings 5. Negotiating Parenthood − Introduction of children into the relationship necessitates the expansion of the relationship to make space for the child without compromising couples intimacy. 6. Building a relationship that is fun and interesting − Balance between spontaneity and tradition − Conscious effort to find activities to share 7. Maintaining a dual visualisation of their partner that combines early idealisation with reality perception − Stay in touch with initial passion, yet be aware of how passion can grow into more realistic friendship.