This was a mock article that I had to write to my school's executive for the magazine so that they can assess me and I was awarded the best writer of the year after that. This was just a mock, so I made it funny and random. This was an article for a magazine, so though I maintain to be colloquial, ...
2 methods for you to make plenty of money selling
your crappy house (or at least seem like you do)
Are you tired of that piece of garbage your dad left you? Or you’re
just really broke and too lazy to actually work? Either way, selling
your house with these two methods can help you achieve your goals
and also help you get enough money to last you a lifetime
Method 1 – Make sure you point out only the good stuff about your house.
Is it a penthouse? A villa with a backyard? A crappy apartment, but right
beside a mall? Make sure they know! Make sure they get blinded on their
first impression. If you’ve got none of these, you’ve got to make your own
advantage about the house, like kitchen with a smoke-collector or a built-in
air conditioning system.
Method 2 – Give up and work on the pun
The goal is to sell the house for a sweet price. A sweet price. Cake is
something that is sweet. It is the sugar that makes it sweet. Sugar is also a
term used for loved ones. But we often say loved ones, not loved twos.
Because that would actually mean you are cheating on the special
someone. And what happens if you end up getting caught for cheating on
your special someone? They become sad. They turn into emos. Emos are
really depressed people. And they hate their lives. But they are people.
And what do people hate the most? YouTube Ads. YouTube makes a lot
of money from these ads, because they are getting paid to allow these ads
in their videos by the people who want to advertise their products or
services. These people are desperate to get their products sold. Because
there are not enough people buying them. So they’re using shortcuts. And
now here’s a question: why are they called shortcuts?
Before I answer that, let’s look at the eggs and flour, which actually make
most of the cake. Eggs and flour are two different things to the naked eye,
but they actually have a lot in common. Flour is made by grinding
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