Stimulus Text – Caitlin Moran, How to be a Woman, (Moran,
2011)
Nellie Coss 133104
A Patriarchal Performance:
What Happens Behind the Curtain?
Nellie Coss
As in any position of responsibility, in the rehearsal room, women feel they must prove their worth
juxtaposed to their male peers. My musical theatre inspiration, Carrie Hope Fletcher, for example,
was thrust into the creative arts thanks to her older brother, Tom Fletcher, and his pop-rock band
McFly. At just 15, she was bombarded with contacts and connections, resulting in her rise to fame.
This, however, also brought with it criticism of her talent. The question was asked, ‘is she actually
talented, or is her success down to her already-successful brother?’ Thus, Carrie felt she must prove
herself, not relying on the fact she booked lead roles in Les Mis, Heathers, The Addams Family and
being personally scouted by Andrew Lloyd Webber for his reworking of Cinderella. (Mayo, 2020)
Surely with a resume like that you wouldn’t need to, but imposter syndrome is statistically higher in
women for a reason.
Taking this into account, I spent this past year writing and directing an original musical alongside a
friend and peer, somewhat unaware of the toxicity that harbours in theatre. A little apprehensive, I
walked into a studio full of music and drama kids screeching out Hamilton riffs and suddenly felt at
home. I felt at home because I knew I was qualified to take on this project: I wrote it, after all. I had a
vision, I knew what I wanted, and I knew what to do to achieve that.
For the first few months of rehearsals, we learnt the material at a rapid pace; everyone was excited
and enthusiastic. However, I get talked over and corrected by people thinking they know better. At
the time, I thought it was because we (the creative team) were the same age as our cast, instantly
lowering the respect levels.
Then, I realised a few things:
1. The mornings of which we had rehearsal, I spent ‘getting ready.’ I don’t mean connecting MIDIs to
the audio desk, pre-setting the floor mics or adjusting the input on cans – I mean planning my outfit,
spending hours doing my hair and even longer on my makeup. But why? These people had seen me
at my worst and were my dearest friends, so they certainly wouldn’t have cared if I rocked up in
jeans. But I cared.
I think ‘dressing for business’ became part of my physical identity, which therefore translated into
my mentality within rehearsals; if I looked good, I felt good. But it wasn’t just for me to identify as
confident – it was for everyone else to identify me as confident. Wearing typically feminine clothing
made me feel more justified in a leadership role as a woman, which was the first sign of gender
inferiority; I felt I had to alter my appearance to seem more qualified, because… I’d seem more
confident? (Somewhat true) Or perhaps more professional? A prime example of toxic femininity, but
I didn’t realise it at the time. Again, I’d like to say something about channelling Lin Manuel Miranda,
or perhaps even our favourite ‘non-ingenue’, Carrie Hope Fletcher, in order to gain respect but I
think it’s too late for that now.
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