Unit 4 ENGA4 - Language Investigations and Interventions
Exam (elaborations)
AQA A Level English Language - Original Writing Commentary (750w)
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Unit 4 ENGA4 - Language Investigations and Interventions
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AQA
This is the original writing commentary (750 words) that I wrote for my coursework, emulated from the style of Breakfast at Tiffanys. I was awarded an A* (96/100) for this piece of work.
WARNING: Do not use this piece as your own as you could be punished for plagiarism. This is to be used as a gui...
Unit 4 ENGA4 - Language Investigations and Interventions
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Commentary - Breakfast at Tiffany’s style model Word Count : 785
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52kC2KKpUT0 - First 10 minutes of Breakfast at Tiffany’s
After deliberating between models, my chosen style is the 1961 film, “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”, a classic rom-com
inspired by Truman Capote’s novella. The film adaptation highlights the chic, elegant fashionista movement,
emphasised by Audrey Hepburn as the sweet, free-spirited Holly Golightly. From the blossom of the “Hollywood
Glamour” era, now transcending to the modern 21st century audience, people are as infatuated with the influence
of this rom-com today as they were in the 1960s.
Initially, the challenge was deciding which tone from the film to emulate. I was particularly attracted to the first ten
minutes of the film, capturing the first meeting. I encapsulated the bittersweet tone as already Paul sounds
hopelessly devoted, although he knows Hollys’ incapability of commitment. Moreover, I decided to use the
semantic field of shamefulness and self-consciousness, showing self-awareness of the magnitude of his unrequited
love for the female protagonist, thus feeling abashed from his sickly love, with abstract adverbs such as
“embarrassing”, “foolishly” as well as stative adjectives like “pathetic” and “lonesome.” These make the emotions
more vivid and easy to conceptualise; similarly to the film’s portrayal of the character as a man cultivated by love at
first sight.
Structurally, I decided to go with a letter from Paul's perspective, addressed to Holly with the first person narrative
and situates the audience in Holly’s position. This contradicts the original film and novella, as the film follows
Holly's perspective, while the novella is told in the first person narrative of an unnamed narrator. By allowing an
insight into Paul’s feelings, it allowed me to dissect their meeting, recapping the most significant events, therefore
the non-chronological order. It helps the piece sound like an outburst of emotion, as though he was speaking
freely, only taking the breaks in the paragraphs and parenthesis to recollect his thoughts of pose inquiries. The
natural tone of this letter, phonologically, sounds like a direct monologue, including pauses, alliterative and
interrogatives, expressing his feelings.
Semantically, most paragraphs begin with a question. These imperatives, followed with complex declaratives,
explains the narrative through questions, being inquisitive about Holly’s life in an effort to understand her. In turn,
this elicits an engaging reaction from the audience, who do not understand the longevity of the character’s actions,
yet are willing to read through and try to comprehend the complexity of the relationships between the two. The
cohesion on the paragraphs is heavily reliant on the influence from the prior paragraph, the link between the
sequences making the piece flow effortlessly and seem like a speech.
The beginning of the letter includes lots of interjections, helping adopt a personable character who is experiencing
turmoil due to his tortured yet genuine sentiment for the reader, resulting in feelings of sympathy from the
recipient (Holly). I had contemplated whether to include interjections as it could have a mocking or sarcastic tone.
However, the first paragraph excludes itself from the rest of the letter as these interjections are not included after
the focus shifts as we delve into the feelings of adoration he holds for Holly, being more intricate and emotional. It
also alludes to the idea the writer is still coming to accept writing the physical expression of love for her to read,
therefore he sidetracks the style from the immediate message, in order to tone down the intensity primarily.
I decided to embed a repetitive nature of the protagonist's one-sided relationship, with his feelings spiralling but
eventuating to nothing. I deviated from the original by the story taking place after their first meeting compared to
the frantic nature of the scene in the classic film. Consequently, this piece highlights the familiarity with Holly’s
lifestyle, as he can pinpoint actions of her schedule. In order to extenuate the cycle of longing and hopelessness, I
used to achieve a cyclic structure, including temporal nouns, beginning with the late “night” then referring to the
end of the letter being completed on the early “morning”, insinuating that he lives the same night over and over
while waiting for Holly to love him in the same way.
The end leaves a bittersweet sting, as Paul signs the letter in good regards, using the figurative euphemism “Forever
yours”, declaring that Holly has captured him and is now her possession using the possessive pronoun “yours.”
This sentiment is hauntingly beautiful as it overtly summarises everything Paul intends to be or to want from Holly
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