Love, lust, infatuation, and obsession are common feelings everyone experiences
throughout their lives. It could be evident through platonic, romantic, or even parasocial
relationships. One can feel a range of emotions towards strangers to friends, family to lovers.
However, there exists a strange phenomenon when discussing the topic of romance and
everything surrounding it. As emotions intensify, the shift from romantic infatuation to obsessive
fixation can unveil a fascinating realm of human psychology. The transition from adoration to
obsession marks a pivotal moment where love takes on a darker, more consuming form. Thus,
questioning, How does romantic infatuation evolve into obsession, and what psychological
factors contribute to this transition? Through understanding cognitive idealization and lack of
reciprocity, the intensity of attachment styles and the impact of neurochemicals, and lastly,
underlying mental health issues. It will build a conclusion on human nature and why something
such as a small infatuation becomes unhealthy and alarming.
Infatuation often includes the idealization of the partner, leading to obsessive thoughts
and preoccupation. Linking itself with unrequited love can intensify feelings of longing and
fixation, contributing to the transition. Adam Bode and Geoff Kushnick’s article “Proximate and
Ultimate Perspectives on Romantic Love,” states that romantic love is more common among
adolescents than adults, as students have a greater chance of experiencing unrequited and mutual
love when their brains are developing than when they are in their mid-twenties. Furthermore,
“unrequited love for someone that an individual pursued lasted the shortest period of time (10.12
months) and romantic love for someone who an individual knows but has not revealed their love
to lasted the longest (18.44 months) in a sample of high school and university students from the
United States. This contrasts with reciprocated romantic love that lasted even longer (an average
of 21.33 months).” This builds the idea that unrequited love, which involves idealizing the
partner, lasts longer than reciprocated romantic love. This supports the notion that infatuation,
characterized by idealization, may lead to shorter-lived relationships because of the lack of
mutual feelings. Heightening the longing and fixation resulting from idealization can exacerbate
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the obsessive thoughts and preoccupation of the mind. Furthermore, this idea is then supported
by, therapist, April Kilduff. She states that “your brain, as you meet someone new, is kind of
designed to be infatuated. The relationship is new, you’re getting all these great dopamine
hits—it’s part of the bonding process…Certainly if you’re in love with someone, you can be
infatuated, but if you’re infatuated, you’re not always in love.” This builds on the notion that the
brain is designed to experience infatuation upon meeting someone new, aligning with the natural
response of driven dopamine. However, infatuation doesn’t necessarily equal love; rather, it often
involves idealization and can lead to obsessive thoughts. When combined with unrequited love,
characterized by prolonged idealization, infatuation will intensify feelings of longing and
fixation, contributing to shorter-lived relationships because of the absence of mutual feelings.
Ultimately, the intertwining of infatuation, idealization, and unrequited love underscores the
complexities of human nature in forming and sustaining relationships. While infatuation and
idealization may initially seem harmless, further in time, it could potentially lead to prolonged
fixation and emotional distress, highlighting the need for individuals to discern between fleeting
admiration or genuine, reciprocal love to avoid the development of obsession.
Furthermore, emotions and attachment styles are one of the largest contributors to this
development. Attachment styles refer to the patterns of bonding that individuals develop early in
live, primarily based on their interactions with family members and friends. These styles shape
how individuals perceive and navigate relationships throughout their lives. There are four main
attachment styles: Secure attachment, anxious-preoccupied attachment, dismissive-avoidant
attachment, and fearful-avoidant attachment. All range from different impacts on emotional
well-being and satisfaction in interpersonal connections. Based on this, Harvard Medical School
states that love involves complex brain processes, including the release of multiple
neurotransmitters, like dopamine mentioned above, as well as oxytocin, and serotonin, which
contribute to feelings of pleasure, bonding, and attachment. These chemical messengers shape
attachment patterns and style, where, for example, oxytocin is often associated with social
bonding and attachment, influencing individuals’ capacity to form secure attachments.
Understanding the neurological underpinnings of love provides valuable insights into how the
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