Coping with Conflict
Defining conflict, characteristics of conflict
Interpersonal conflict- an expressed struggle that occurs when 2 interdependent people cannot
agree on a way to meet their needs or goals. Inevitable, not inherently bad, has many positive
effects, most likely to occur in close relationships, conflict increases as relational partners
become more committed and interdependent, the way partners manage conflict is a good
indicator of satisfaction levels.
6 Conflict Styles and the 2 dimensions used to characterize them (directness &
cooperativeness)
2 dimensions- cooperation: taking own vs both partners goals into account, directness:
engaging in or avoiding conflict
Nonassertative approaches:
Yielding (accommodating)- Indirect and Cooperative,Prioritize partner’s goals and desires;
sacrifice own needs, Can be result of the chilling effect, Sometimes appropriate,generally
ineffective, Win-Lose
Avoiding: Indirect and Moderately Cooperative, Physically or psychologically removing self from
conflict, refraining from arguing, and refusing to confront partner in meaningful way,
Inappropriate and ineffective, Lose-Lose
Assertive approaches:
, Indirect fighting: Indirect and Uncooperative,Express aggression in indirect manner, Failing to
acknowledge or validate partner’s concerns, ignoring partner, holding grudge, whining, giving
dirty looks, leaving the scene, rolling eyes, silent treatment, Can provoke metaconflict,
Win/Lose-Lose
Competitive fighting: Direct and Uncooperative, Trying to control the interaction so you have
more power than partner, Confrontational remarks, accusations, personal criticisms, threats,
name calling, hostile jokes, blaming partner, Generally inappropriate and ineffective, Effective
when power differential exists, when immediate compliance is necessary, when expressing
anger is justified, Win-Lose
Compromising: Direct and Moderately cooperative, Searching for fair, intermediate Position,
Both sacrifice, trade-offs, Moderately appropriate and Effective, Can hamper development of
creative strategy, Need compromise to be fair to both People, Lose-Win/Win-Lose
Collaborating: Direct and Cooperative, Open lines of communication, focuses on needs of all
parties, Supportive, accepting responsibility, soliciting partner’s ideas,Brainstorming, Both
partners meet goals – co-construct new meaning, Effective and appropriate, It takes two; only
possible when time and energy is there, Win-Win
Deficits in communication skills – argumentativeness vs. verbal aggression
Argumentativeness: a style that focuses on logical argument and reason
- Back up claims with evidence/reasoning, taking a position on controversial issues,
recognizing issues of disagreement, attack position, not person
Verbal aggressiveness: attacking the others self concept, often with the intention of hurting the
person
Patterns of conflict interaction: Negative reciprocity (gunnysacking, kitchen-sinking,
involving 3rd parties), Demand-Withdrawal patterns, Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Negative reciprocity: aggression begets more aggression, sarcasm, criticism, name calling,
yelling, accusations, 3 tactics that escalate negativity: