Rules of Comedy
...Okay. Show of hands: how many of you out there thought your elementary school bus
driver was really cool, until you found out she was a fugitive from Justice? Come on. I
know I'm not the only one. What do I do if they don't respond? – answer yeah, they're
not going to respond.
why not? - answer because, basically, no one has ever thought that their elementary
school bus driver was a fugitive from justice.
mine was. money laundering. - answer That’s... interesting... and sort of upsetting, but
not funny. Why don't you focus on something a little more, I don't know, universal?
Come on, tell me a joke. Like a joke with a punch line.
Okay, okay. Wow. I'm blanking. This is really hard. This is surprisingly hard. Do
limericks count? - answer Lets back up a little bit. Just pot down the mic. It's not helping.
I don't want to break it. I'm assuming you value it. - answer Whatever. It doesn't work
anyway. Listen up: there are four basic elements to comedy. Every single joke has
these elements. EVERY JOKE. You may think they don't, but trust me, they do. It's just
a comedy truth. Okay?
I have no reason not to believe you. - answerIt's been true since the dawn of comedy.
Since the Greeks stood on Mount Olympus or wherever the Greeks stood, and aristotle
taught Plato the art of telling the perfect f***ing joke.
Aristotle was a student of Plato's-- so I don't think that actually happened - answer-
Facts don't matter in comedy
I'm a big believer in facts - answerThe four elements are: the set up, the story, the twist
and the punch line-- you're not going to write any of this down?
That seems misleadingly simple - answerIts not. I had to learn this stuff the hard way.
Years of bombing in front of an audience before I came up with this foolproof method.
This workshop is only two hours long so you're gonna need to focus.
Got it. My pen is poised. Now. Now it is poised - answerThe set up, the story. The twist
and the punch line. So what are they?
Set up, story, punch line - answerand the twist, you forgot that one
, I just assumed the twist would come under the umbrella of the "story" portion of the
program - answerIt doesn't come under the umbrella of anything- its its own separate
element
All right. I mean, I disagree, but all right. Can I ask you a question? - answerNo
Why are rabbis always walking into bars? - answerWhat?
Are rabbis known for their struggle with alcohol? - answerI don't think so
Haven't you ever noticed that many, many jokes are launched by that premise? A rabbi
walks into a bar or a jew walks into a bar. - answerHow about you forget about rabbis
specifically and religion in general, for a second, because you have just accidentally
stumbled upon the perfect set up. Typically you would list three people or three things
that have nothing in common and then find a way to get them all in one room, say a bar,
or a rowboat, or a proctologist's office. Write this down- three is a classic comedy
numeral.
Or maybe the world of comedy is anti-Semitic - answerThere are tons of jewish
comedians. I'm a half jewish comedian.
That seems like it could be funny. A half Jewish comedian that walks into someplace...
a red lobster... oh, yes, a red lobster restaurant might be funny because its named for a
shellfish! - answerHow did you hear about my workshop again?
I saw a flier. I even bought a book. As research. - answerA book
It's called: "101 dirty jokes." I got it on sale. Do you want to hear one? - answerNot
really-
A dog a cat and a penis are sitting around a campfire... huh... let me find a better one -
answerOkay Caroline don't take this the wrong way, but you don't seem particularly, you
know, funny
I know. Thats why i'm here - answerThe thing is though, I can't teach you to be funny
Yes, you can - answerNo. I can't. Nobody can. Thats not what this class is about
Thats what you advertised. you said on your flier that I would be funny after one
hilarious session of my money back - answerI said you would learn to be funny after
one, you know, hilarious session
so far i have not laughed once since I got in here. there has been no hilarity. nothing
hilarious has occurred. - answercan we please just stop using the word: "hilarious?"
Look, if you want your money back...
...Okay. Show of hands: how many of you out there thought your elementary school bus
driver was really cool, until you found out she was a fugitive from Justice? Come on. I
know I'm not the only one. What do I do if they don't respond? – answer yeah, they're
not going to respond.
why not? - answer because, basically, no one has ever thought that their elementary
school bus driver was a fugitive from justice.
mine was. money laundering. - answer That’s... interesting... and sort of upsetting, but
not funny. Why don't you focus on something a little more, I don't know, universal?
Come on, tell me a joke. Like a joke with a punch line.
Okay, okay. Wow. I'm blanking. This is really hard. This is surprisingly hard. Do
limericks count? - answer Lets back up a little bit. Just pot down the mic. It's not helping.
I don't want to break it. I'm assuming you value it. - answer Whatever. It doesn't work
anyway. Listen up: there are four basic elements to comedy. Every single joke has
these elements. EVERY JOKE. You may think they don't, but trust me, they do. It's just
a comedy truth. Okay?
I have no reason not to believe you. - answerIt's been true since the dawn of comedy.
Since the Greeks stood on Mount Olympus or wherever the Greeks stood, and aristotle
taught Plato the art of telling the perfect f***ing joke.
Aristotle was a student of Plato's-- so I don't think that actually happened - answer-
Facts don't matter in comedy
I'm a big believer in facts - answerThe four elements are: the set up, the story, the twist
and the punch line-- you're not going to write any of this down?
That seems misleadingly simple - answerIts not. I had to learn this stuff the hard way.
Years of bombing in front of an audience before I came up with this foolproof method.
This workshop is only two hours long so you're gonna need to focus.
Got it. My pen is poised. Now. Now it is poised - answerThe set up, the story. The twist
and the punch line. So what are they?
Set up, story, punch line - answerand the twist, you forgot that one
, I just assumed the twist would come under the umbrella of the "story" portion of the
program - answerIt doesn't come under the umbrella of anything- its its own separate
element
All right. I mean, I disagree, but all right. Can I ask you a question? - answerNo
Why are rabbis always walking into bars? - answerWhat?
Are rabbis known for their struggle with alcohol? - answerI don't think so
Haven't you ever noticed that many, many jokes are launched by that premise? A rabbi
walks into a bar or a jew walks into a bar. - answerHow about you forget about rabbis
specifically and religion in general, for a second, because you have just accidentally
stumbled upon the perfect set up. Typically you would list three people or three things
that have nothing in common and then find a way to get them all in one room, say a bar,
or a rowboat, or a proctologist's office. Write this down- three is a classic comedy
numeral.
Or maybe the world of comedy is anti-Semitic - answerThere are tons of jewish
comedians. I'm a half jewish comedian.
That seems like it could be funny. A half Jewish comedian that walks into someplace...
a red lobster... oh, yes, a red lobster restaurant might be funny because its named for a
shellfish! - answerHow did you hear about my workshop again?
I saw a flier. I even bought a book. As research. - answerA book
It's called: "101 dirty jokes." I got it on sale. Do you want to hear one? - answerNot
really-
A dog a cat and a penis are sitting around a campfire... huh... let me find a better one -
answerOkay Caroline don't take this the wrong way, but you don't seem particularly, you
know, funny
I know. Thats why i'm here - answerThe thing is though, I can't teach you to be funny
Yes, you can - answerNo. I can't. Nobody can. Thats not what this class is about
Thats what you advertised. you said on your flier that I would be funny after one
hilarious session of my money back - answerI said you would learn to be funny after
one, you know, hilarious session
so far i have not laughed once since I got in here. there has been no hilarity. nothing
hilarious has occurred. - answercan we please just stop using the word: "hilarious?"
Look, if you want your money back...
