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Psychology of Sexuality
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1Psychology of Sexuality
It will be a written exam, a combination of 40 multiple choice and 2 open ended questions (end grade will be
80/20%). Read book of The psychology of human sexuality for exam (except chapter 12). Exam not very difficult
(80% pass).
Sex - Computer metaphor:
Hardware - Biology
Operating system - Evolution
Software - Social environment and culture
Helpdesk - Sexologists (helps with sexual problems)
Noun “sex”: biological state of being born male or female, usually assigned at birth and not
always congruent with gender (mane, woman or neither).
Verb “sex”: The act of having sex.
But what is sex?
Any function or behavior involved with reproduction. The birds and the bees. Getting it on... There
are a lot of synonyms, metaphors and definitions.
Not everybody has sex:
- Some people are Asexual (about 1% of the population). They have no desire for
partnered sex, no sexual attraction or arousal. Some may still desire a romantic
relationship through, or they could be aromantic as well. Some do sometimes experience
arousal because of hormones for example. It is not a dysfunction or sign of trauma, there
is nothing wrong with them, it is just a sexual orientation like any other.
- It is the opposite of Allosexuality. These are most people, they have a desire for sex.
These are the non-asexual people.
- There is also Voluntary celibacy. They do experience sexual attraction but decide not to
act on it.
- There is also Involuntary celibacy (incels). They are unable to find a partner but they want
to. A partner long distance, chronically ill, divorced, low self-esteem or physical
attractiveness… Some male incels on the internet think they are entitled to have sex, and
have discussions online full of cynicism, resentment and self-loading. They feel they have
a right to sex but are denied it, which can even lead to terrorism and mass murders.
Solitary sexual behaviors:
- Sexual fantasies (mental images while aroused, masturbating… we consciously control
this image and it generates sexual arousal). When we return to the same sexual fantasy
over and over, this is known as a central masturbation fantasy which according to Freud
they can only reach orgasm when they have this one fantasy. It’s normal and healthy and
happy to fantasize (contrary to what Freud believed). It is any mental image that comes to
mind while you're awake, that turns you on (not a dream).
- The most frequent sexual fantasy is multipartner sex. Secondly, BDSM
(Bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism). Thirdly,
Novelty, adventure, variety (sex in a different way like anal, a different setting…).
, 2
Men and women fantasize about the same things, there are very few gender differences.
Romance fantasies are more common among women. Sexual fantasies are healthy, even
when fantasizing about forced sex it is not pathological.
- Masturbation (most people masturbate, almost all boys and most women). Men
masturbate more often and more men masturbate. More common among younger, higher
education people. It was a source of moral or medical concerns, but nowadays it is
regarded as healthy giving women a higher self-esteem, improves the immune system. It
is not bad for the relationship either. No research supports that abstaining from
masturbation benefits testosterone, focus… (“no-nut november” is rooted in a false belief
that masturbation is somehow unhealthy). People take more risks while aroused.
Partnered sexual behaviors (without consent, sex is not really sex):
- Kissing (most frequently observed behavior).The mouth is a very erogenous zone. This
is a well accepted sexual behavior, but only in half of all cultures in the world. The other
half doesn't consider it an appropriate or normal activity. It is an act of total trust,
exchange of virus, saliva, bacteria… Beneficial for the immune system.
- Touching (most people have erogenous zones, all body parts could be). <sexual pleasure
is even possible without touching the genitals.
- Manual sex (focused on genitals).
- Oral sex (fellatio/cunnilingus, with your mouth on your partner’s genitals). More frequent
among youngsters, white and higher education. In some cultures it is considered unclean
or unnatural, not a universal behavior.
- Anal sex (increasingly common, more frequent among young adults, high education,
white). Also includes anilingus (oral stimulation of the anus).
- Vaginal intercourse (coitus). Men prefer women on top and women prefer men on top.
CAT position (coital alignment technique) is the best for clitorial stimulation.
- Orgasm gap: coitus is more pleasant for men.
It is difficult to reach an orgasm simultaneously. In reality this is very rare.
How do people define having sex?
● In the USA, among young heterosexual students, 95 % regarded penis in vagina as sex. 75%
penis in anus as sex. 30% oral sex as sex. And only 12% considered manual sex as sex.
● In the Netherlands, 99% considered penis in vagina as sex. 93% penis in anus as sex. 75%
oral sex as sex. And 66% manual sex as sex.
Coital imperative: The notion that “real” sex equals penetration of the vagina by the penis
(coitus) and placing this particular sexual act as central to “normal” heterosex.
How do homosexual people define having sex?
● Homosexual men have the same visions of penetrative as the “real” sex. Lesbians consider
mutual oral stimulation as sex and are not only focused on coitus, they have a wider view.
WHAT IS SEX??? Sex is complex…
- Sex is more than just coitus. Sex is ALL behavior that arouses us (via touch, hearing,
vision, even smell)
- Mostly focused on genitals (but not always)
- Often leads to orgasm (but not always)
- Sex is only sex if all partners consent!
, 3
In the Netherlands, the average age for the first time kissing, feeling and caressing, manual sex,
oral sex and coitus has increased from 2005 to 2017. So now people do those things later.
Former beliefs about sex:
For centuries, the idea has been that sex is…
- Heterosexual penis-vagina coitus
- Where the man has an orgasm (woman not necessarily, not required)
- Within a monogamous relationship (preferably marriage)
- With the aim of reproduction (It wasn't about pleasure)
Biologists will say: the goal of sex is the mixing of genes and survival of the species. But that is
just the result of sex, not the motivation.
➔ Procreation: sex for reproduction (sex is heterosexual coitus aimed at passing genes)
➔ Recreation: sex for pleasure (sex as any behavior, solo or with a partner, focused on
satisfying sexual desire)
➔ Relation: sex to confirm an intimate relationship (sex as any behavior with a partner
focused on creating or strengthening an emotional bond)
These are our 3 motives for sex.
Why humans have sex:
- Physical: recreation, experience pleasure…
- Goal attainment: procreation, burn calories…
- Emotional: relation, bonding, birthday sex, after a
fight…
- Insecurity: raise self-esteem, not knowing how to
say “no”, I felt obligated to, abandonment
anxiety…
These reasons are mostly the same for both genders.
Men mention physical appearance and desire (attractive
body and face) and also significantly more than women
for opportunity presenting itself, experience… Women
more often mention emotional motivation (express love
for the person) but the differences between men and women are small.
HISTORICAL CHANGES in VIEW of SEX
7 Views on Sexuality
-Traditional Christian view
-traditional science view
-sociological view
-Freudian view
-radical political view
-simple learning view
-biopsychosocial view
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