Part 1: Basic communication skills
In communication a distinction can be made between the sender, the person who sends out a
message, and the receiver, the person who receives the message. This applies also for sender and
receiver (or listener) skills.
Chapter 1. Regulating skills
The purpose of regulating skills – protecting the order and clarity of the conversation.
Opening the conversation, setting goals – how to open the conversation is naturally
dependent upon the situation. Whether starting formally or informally, in both cases clarity
of your intentions promotes the smooth progression of the conversation. It can be stated
that a clear conversational structure promotes efficiency
Goal evaluation – conversations are based on a goal, often this is about solving problems.
Closing the conversation – in order to keep a check on the time it is wise to make known the
time available at the beginning of the conversation, and keep an eye on this time too. End
with a summary.
Chapter 2. Listening skills
It is important to let your controversial partner know that he is being listened to, reasons:
It is stimulating for the partner; and
It can avoid the problems that occur when one does not listen well.
Non-selective listening skills; attentive Selective listening skills
behaviour
Nonverbal behaviour Asking questions
Minimal encourages Paraphrasing
Reflection of emotions
Concreteness
Summarizing
Non-selective listening skills
Half of our communication is composed of nonverbal behaviour.
From facial expression it can be seen whether someone is interested in what the other
person is saying or not. Facial expression is often directly related to feelings.
Regarding eye contact, neither have a fixed stare, nor avoid the speaker’s eyes altogether.
The interest in the other person can also be shown by a relaxed and friendly body posture.
By nodding and making supportive gestures with the hands and by avoiding nervous and
distracting movements, you can show your attention: encouraging gestures.
Verbal following means that the comments you make should be in line with what the speaker is
saying and that you do not start any new subjects.
Minimal encouragers are short verbal reactions intended to stimulate the speaker to talk by
showing that he is being listened to hemming (uh-huh), yes…yes, and then?, go on etc.
Selective listening skills
Selectivity in a conversation is related to the fact that in reactions someone gives certain aspects of
the speaker’s conversation more attention than others.
During conversations it is often necessary to clarify what speakers are saying exactly and what they
really want asking questions.
Open-ended questions – leave speakers much freedom in formulating answers to them.
, Closed questions – can be answered with a single word, either a yes or a no will usually do.
Paraphrasing of content means briefly stating in your own words what the speaker has said. It is
based on factual information, so no own opinions. The paraphrase needs to be expressed in a
questioning way.
Reflection of feelings means mirroring of feelings. The goal is to show that you are trying to
understand how the speaker feels. Feelings can be divided into single or complex feelings.
Single feelings can either be positive (I am happy) or negative (I am sad).
Complex feelings are often confusing and especially arise in emotional situations.
The meaning of concreteness – lettings speakers tell their story as concretely as possible.
The goal of summarizing is to give structure to the conversation by ordering the main points of
contents, as well as emotions. The summary needs to be made in a questioning tone because it is
likely to forget certain aspects or not express them correctly due to the large quantity of information.
Chapter 3. Sender skills
A distinction has been made between skills where you take the initiative and skills with which you
react to someone.
Sender skills – initiative Sender skills – reactive
Giving information Refusing
Making requests and giving instructions Reacting to criticism
Giving criticism
Situation clarification
Sender skills – initiative
How to give information, is related with four factors:
Structure – means the clarity and orderliness of an amount of information.
The conversational partner is most likely to understand the information if you use short
sentences, known words and clear wording, and speak in a calm tempo – simplicity of style.
Conciseness – means a certain restriction in the amount of information given.
Attractiveness, two methods: ways to enliven the content of the conversation, and ways to
strengthen the relationship between the speaker and conversational partner(s).
Making requests and giving instructions is something that some people have difficulties with. Often
there is a combination of three causes:
1. Lack of courage, afraid to stand up for themselves.
2. Negative expectations that one has about the reactions that the request will cause.
3. Lack of skill, not knowing how to make a request or give the order.
Different methods for making requests and giving instructions:
The sub-assertive way – not assertive enough, timid, shy, self-conscious.
The assertive way – being outspoken, standing up for yourself, being independent.
The aggressive way – standing up for yourself, but in an irritating way.
Giving criticism is often experienced as difficult, there are several reasons for this:
1. Being afraid of the relationship with the person will be altered.
2. One’s own insecurity or fear of not begin taken seriously.
A distinction can be made between criticism of opinion and criticism of behaviour.
