Introduction
In these training programmes we focus on three goals:
• Increasing knowledge
• Extending the behavioural repertoire of communication skills and conversation models
• Increasing self-confidence when dealing with difficult professional conversations.
When the employees of Dinner Ltd wish to hold the various types of discussions with which they are
concerned, and to conduct them in an appropriate manner, a number of building blocks are
necessary. We call these building blocks basic communication skills.
In communication a general distinction can be made between the sender, the person who sends out
a message, and the receiver, the person who receives the message.
With regard to sender skills we can make a distinction between regulating skills and assertive skills.
Regulating skills are those with which one influences the structure and direction of the conversation.
Assertive skills are those whose purpose is to reveal as clearly as possible what one thinks and wants.
According to Collins Dictionary skill means: 'Quickness, swiftness; 2) dexterity, proficiency,
adroitness'. The concept - as we mean it - is best described by the second definition.
1 Regulating skills
Introduction
The purpose of the regulating skills is to protect the order and clarity of the conversation.
Opening the conversation, setting goals
When you take the initiative in a conversation, for efficient continuation it is usually important to
supply your conversational partner with your intentions fairly soon after beginning. You can start
formally or informally. When you have the opportunity to prepare yourself for a conversation, you
can try to devise a global structure for it.
Goal evaluation
In this book we assume that conversations are based on a goal. In order to check that you are still
busy with the goals which were originally set, it is useful to ask 'goal evaluating questions' from time
to time.
At the end of the conversation it is often useful to summarize the arrangements.
Closing the conversation
In order to keep a check on the time it is generally wiser to make known the time available at the
beginning of the conversation.
,2 Listening skills
Not only is it important to have a good structure in a conversation, but it is also important to let your
conversational partner know that he is being listened to. First of all it is stimulating for the partner,
and second one can avoid the problems that occur when one does not listen well.
Nonverbal behaviour
Facial expression
The most remarkable facial expression is the smile.
Eyecontact
Avoiding eye contact often stems from personal insecurity.
Body posture
Encouraging gestures
By nodding and making supportive gestures with the hands and by avoiding nervous and distracting
movement, you can show your attention, which will stimulate the speaker to continue talking.
Verbal following
If you follow closely what the speaker is saying, the speaker will be able to finish his train of thought.
To understand the speaker fully, it is necessary to put aside your own opinions and thoughts about
the subject. In order to do so, you should confine yourself to 'minimal encouragers'.
Minimal encouragers
Minimal encouragers are short verbal reactions intended to stimulate the speaker to talk by showing
him that he is being listened to.
Selective listening skills
Selectivity here is related to the fact that in your reactions you give certain aspects of the speaker's
conversation more attention than others.
Asking questions
During many conversations it is often necessary to clarify what speakers are saying exactly and what
they really want. We have to deal here with 'problem clarification'.
Open-ended questions
An easy way to start these questions is by using words such as 'How?' 'What?' or 'Can you tell me
something about?'
We can make a distinction between questions related to the subject that the speaker is talking about
and questions not related to the subject.
'Why' questions
These types of questions can be regarded as threatening when placed at the beginning of a
conversation. Special attention needs to be paid to the tone of the 'why' question.
Closed (directing) questions
These types of question can be answered with a single word, either a yes or a no will usually do. The
questions have several negative aspects. First, the speaker is restricted to answer the question.
Second, they are often suggestive because these questions stem from preconceived ideas. However,
, it is useful to ask closed questions when you want to find out factual and specific information, or
when open-ended questions do not result in much information.
When to ask open-ended or closed questions
The one you choose depends on the goal you have in mind for the conversation. There are no
general rules for when to use these type of questions and when not.
Paraphrasing of content
This means briefly stating in your own words what the speaker has said. The chief characteristic of
paraphrasing is that it is based on factual information. This skill serves several functions:
• Listeners can check that they have understood everything correctly.
• The speaker experiences understanding and it might be stimulating to hear their thoughts
expressed in other words. Listeners should be very flexible in the way they express themselves.
When applying this skill it is important for listeners not to confuse their own opinions with what the
speaker is actually saying. It is therefore important that the paraphrase is expressed in a questioning
way.
Reflecting of feelings
The term 'reflecting of feelings' literally means mirroring of feelings. According to Hargie and Dickson
(2004), reflections 'can be regarded as statements in the interviewer's own words that encapsulate
and re-present the essence of the interviewee's previous message'. The goal of this skill is to show
that you are trying to understand how the speaker feels here and now in the conversation.
The first function of reflecting is that speakers notice that their feelings, regardless of their nature,
are being understood, accepted and getting attention. Often the intensity of the feelings then
diminishes. The second function of reflection of feelings is a controlling one. You are checking
whether you have estimated the feelings of the speaker correctly.
Feelings can be divided into single or complex feelings. Single feelings can either be positive or
negative. Complex feelings, in particular, are often confusing and especially arise in emotional
situations. Feelings of stress and tension can be both positive and negative.
Concreteness
The meaning of concreteness in conversations is that you let speakers tell their story as concretely
and precisely as possible. The skills already mentioned all contribute to the concreteness of the
conversation.
To make sure that the speaker is as concrete as possible, you the listener should make sure your own
use of language is as concrete as possible. Words such as 'always', 'everything' and 'never' should act
as warning bells.
Summarizing
The goal of summarizing is to give structure to the conversation by ordering the main points. A
distinction is made between the summarizing of contents and the summarize of emotions. Usually
summaries contain both and the relationship between them is made. The basic difference between
them is the time span.
Your selectivity and your own ability to select play a larger part in this skill compared to the previous
skills described. It is vital that the summary is made in a questioning tone. Summarizing has the
following functions:
• You can check whether you have understood the speaker correctly